Don't know why I choose to write this now, but better late then never right? :-)
Have you ever had a moment, or two, or three, where nothing seemed to be going right. If it wasn't one thing it was another, if it wasn't one person, it was several. Family, friends, money, spouse, kids, drama, job....something! The list can be endless right?! Anyway, my point is, I was having one of those MONTHS. Stress levels were high, nothing was going according to plan, nothing seemed to be going quite right and I wasn't liking it at all. Finances were tight which were making things all the more stressful for me. I'd prayed, prayed and prayed some more. I knew that God was in control. However, I remember being very moody this one particular week ("Bill" week). Frustration, stress, & bitterness had settled into my heart and I wasn't trying to hide it either. I was sick of being sick and tired. I had to go to the grocery store and took the grocery money that had been so carefully budgeted in by yours truly and when I was done and had arrived home, put up all the groceries, I needed to go the little girls room and realized very quickly that we were out of toilet paper. OUT OF TOILET PAPER! No one had told me we were out of toilet paper! No one bothered to put it on the list! & now I had not one red cent. I kid you not, not one! To go and buy any toilet paper. Needless to say I was infuriated. I remember picking up the empty plastic wrapper where the precious toilet paper once held residence and tried to rip it. When that was unsuccessful I proceeded to kick it across the bathroom floor, my foot now becoming entangled in this piece of plastic from H-E-L-L. Finally being able to free myself from this plastic trap, I sat on the floor exhausted, crying, and asking God why? "I don't even have a dime to go buy stupid toilet paper God, what's up with this?!!" I exclaimed. I got up, a little hurt with God, and thought it was probably better just to keep my mouth shut. No sooner had I got up when the phone rang and it was my mother. She needed me to take her to go run an errand. UGH! As if I didn't have enough or better things to do right?!?! I didn't let her know that though. I grabbed my keys and stomped out of my house and went to go pick her up, took her to run her couple of errands and before she got off of the car she says " Oh could you wait a second, I have a couple of things I need to give you" before I could answer and tell her I was in a hurry, which was a lie, I just wanted to get back home, crawl into bed and throw myself a pity party for the rest of the day, she was gone. She came back carrying a big Target bag. Laid it on the passenger seat of the car and said " Here you go, I bought a few extra of some things I thought you might can use" I didn't even look in the bag. Just said thank you and pulled out. Before I left the driveway to the apt complex, I decided to stop and open the bag. I sat there....not really knowing what to say or how to feel. Because in this bag was not only 2 rolls of paper towel but 2 packages of.... you guessed it.....TOILET PAPER. All at once, I felt like the blood flowed right out of my body, all the frustration, stress & bitterness was now replaced with a huge feeling of "
Melissa you're such an idiot!" I felt so ungrateful. I felt like a child who had just been scolded and taught a valuable lesson and felt so horrible at the scolding, but yet through it all still felt the warm, tender love of my Father. It was all I could do on the short drive home to hold in the tears. I ran into my house, and quickly into my room, closed the door, sat on the floor holding the toilet paper and cried like a baby. See the fact was is that I had become so consumed with all the things that were not going right that I had lost focus of the things that were important. My kids were healthy, we were healthy. Yea money was tight, but the fact was we had never gone without anything. We'd prayed and God was faithful to answer.We chose to pray, trust & live in His will & He was taking care of us & EVERY need. There was food on the table, a roof over our heads, the gas tank was full....when I REALLY thought about it, there was not one need He hadn't already taken care of. Yea, there wasn't any toilet paper...but did I ask? If God had provided all the "Big" things, did I not think He was capable of providing some measly toilet paper!! Instead I threw a tantrum, when all I had to do was simply ask and trust in the One who takes care of His children. It was like a huge "DUH!" moment. You know, sure there were ways I could have come up with 3 bucks to buy some toilet paper. But you know, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad God put me in a position where I didn't have not one cent left, and I was vulnerable, because what I learned that day was that His faithfulness goes beyond what I could ever imagine. His love for me goes beyond what my mind could ever comprehend. Even when I stray a little, have a bad week,a bad attitude, and fall into a rut. He still loves me & forgives me. He loves me so much that He doesn't take long to remind me that all of my prayers were NOT for nothing. That all of my prayers were not just for the "big" things but for EVERY thing. That all the time and energy I put into praying and trusting and living in His righteousness are not in vain, but held very dear to His heart & He never forgets them. He reminds me that even though things may seem discouraging, things a
re not always as they appear to be. With an attitude check and a change in heart, I was reminded that My Father God is enough. And He reminded me that God even delivers on toilet paper :-)
Have you ever had a moment, or two, or three, where nothing seemed to be going right. If it wasn't one thing it was another, if it wasn't one person, it was several. Family, friends, money, spouse, kids, drama, job....something! The list can be endless right?! Anyway, my point is, I was having one of those MONTHS. Stress levels were high, nothing was going according to plan, nothing seemed to be going quite right and I wasn't liking it at all. Finances were tight which were making things all the more stressful for me. I'd prayed, prayed and prayed some more. I knew that God was in control. However, I remember being very moody this one particular week ("Bill" week). Frustration, stress, & bitterness had settled into my heart and I wasn't trying to hide it either. I was sick of being sick and tired. I had to go to the grocery store and took the grocery money that had been so carefully budgeted in by yours truly and when I was done and had arrived home, put up all the groceries, I needed to go the little girls room and realized very quickly that we were out of toilet paper. OUT OF TOILET PAPER! No one had told me we were out of toilet paper! No one bothered to put it on the list! & now I had not one red cent. I kid you not, not one! To go and buy any toilet paper. Needless to say I was infuriated. I remember picking up the empty plastic wrapper where the precious toilet paper once held residence and tried to rip it. When that was unsuccessful I proceeded to kick it across the bathroom floor, my foot now becoming entangled in this piece of plastic from H-E-L-L. Finally being able to free myself from this plastic trap, I sat on the floor exhausted, crying, and asking God why? "I don't even have a dime to go buy stupid toilet paper God, what's up with this?!!" I exclaimed. I got up, a little hurt with God, and thought it was probably better just to keep my mouth shut. No sooner had I got up when the phone rang and it was my mother. She needed me to take her to go run an errand. UGH! As if I didn't have enough or better things to do right?!?! I didn't let her know that though. I grabbed my keys and stomped out of my house and went to go pick her up, took her to run her couple of errands and before she got off of the car she says " Oh could you wait a second, I have a couple of things I need to give you" before I could answer and tell her I was in a hurry, which was a lie, I just wanted to get back home, crawl into bed and throw myself a pity party for the rest of the day, she was gone. She came back carrying a big Target bag. Laid it on the passenger seat of the car and said " Here you go, I bought a few extra of some things I thought you might can use" I didn't even look in the bag. Just said thank you and pulled out. Before I left the driveway to the apt complex, I decided to stop and open the bag. I sat there....not really knowing what to say or how to feel. Because in this bag was not only 2 rolls of paper towel but 2 packages of.... you guessed it.....TOILET PAPER. All at once, I felt like the blood flowed right out of my body, all the frustration, stress & bitterness was now replaced with a huge feeling of "
Melissa you're such an idiot!" I felt so ungrateful. I felt like a child who had just been scolded and taught a valuable lesson and felt so horrible at the scolding, but yet through it all still felt the warm, tender love of my Father. It was all I could do on the short drive home to hold in the tears. I ran into my house, and quickly into my room, closed the door, sat on the floor holding the toilet paper and cried like a baby. See the fact was is that I had become so consumed with all the things that were not going right that I had lost focus of the things that were important. My kids were healthy, we were healthy. Yea money was tight, but the fact was we had never gone without anything. We'd prayed and God was faithful to answer.We chose to pray, trust & live in His will & He was taking care of us & EVERY need. There was food on the table, a roof over our heads, the gas tank was full....when I REALLY thought about it, there was not one need He hadn't already taken care of. Yea, there wasn't any toilet paper...but did I ask? If God had provided all the "Big" things, did I not think He was capable of providing some measly toilet paper!! Instead I threw a tantrum, when all I had to do was simply ask and trust in the One who takes care of His children. It was like a huge "DUH!" moment. You know, sure there were ways I could have come up with 3 bucks to buy some toilet paper. But you know, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad God put me in a position where I didn't have not one cent left, and I was vulnerable, because what I learned that day was that His faithfulness goes beyond what I could ever imagine. His love for me goes beyond what my mind could ever comprehend. Even when I stray a little, have a bad week,a bad attitude, and fall into a rut. He still loves me & forgives me. He loves me so much that He doesn't take long to remind me that all of my prayers were NOT for nothing. That all of my prayers were not just for the "big" things but for EVERY thing. That all the time and energy I put into praying and trusting and living in His righteousness are not in vain, but held very dear to His heart & He never forgets them. He reminds me that even though things may seem discouraging, things a
re not always as they appear to be. With an attitude check and a change in heart, I was reminded that My Father God is enough. And He reminded me that God even delivers on toilet paper :-) Thank You Jesus for my toilet paper!
