"Sometimes God Doesn't Show You the Blueprint, Just the Next Step"

When "waiting on God" I have to fight the urge and tendency to get anxious and run up ahead of God and "help him out" like I, oh so often, am tempted to do when "waiting". I have learned, from experience, that although my intentions may not be bad, I must be patient and restrain myself from setting myself back by running up ahead and messing things up with what I think is best.

I'm a "planner". I like plans. I can pretty much already tell you what 2013 is going to look like for me (or what I want it to look like)....wait...see there I go again, with the running up ahead thing. Ok, so Im a work in progress. What I mean is, I think when it comes to "change" in our life, we'd all like some kind of explanation, road map, itinerary, or blueprint of what's going to happen, how it's going to happen, how long it's going to take, and what the end result is going to be. And on top, we want complete control and full say in all of the above. But see "Sometimes God Doesn't Show You the Blueprint, Just the Next Step" 

I'm learning that although I may not know the entire plan, I know that by being obedient, activating my faith & taking the next step God is asking me to/when He is asking me to, He is laying down a path for me, on His timing not mine, in a direction that He is leading me in, and He will never lead me wrong. I also know that within this path He is laying down for me, is what He is calling me to do for Him and the person He is molding me to become for Him. In my case, not just for me, but for my family. 

So, no, He may not give me the blueprint to His entire plan for my life. He may not explain to me all at once what the "change" in my life is all about. He may not give me a handy "How-To Manual" with all the directions I need for the rest of my life....He may show me One. Step. at a time. And that's OK. Because I know that with each step He asks me take He will give me what I need to get there. With each step that I take He will open another door for me to walk through. And with each step that He reveals He will be holding my hand the entire journey He sets before me.
So this is me, butterflies in my stomach, nervous but excited, anxious but I wont run up ahead, ready to leap but careful, as I hear Him say
 "Ready....Set.... Take my hand...Let's Go"

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Child of God

So it's taken me about 2 weeks to blog about this cause every time I think about it I begin a sob fest. 

A little over 2 weeks ago my 16 yr old, Rachel, left to Arizona on what I knew in my heart would be a life changing trip for her. Not only because it's something she's never really done or experienced, but because God's already been whispering to this mama's heart not to get to attached, because she belongs to Him and the plans He has for her are far far greater than I could have ever dreamed for her. 

For some time now, I've seen God's hand working in her life. She has a heart for missions. She has a heart for the lost and hurting. It's more than that. She's passionate about it. She wants the world to know that Jesus loves them. Especially kids. 

Before she left. I was talking to a friend who asked if I was ready to see her off for a week. My answer was "No. No, because I know this is going to change her for good. This is it. This is going to seal the deal and confirm everything that her heart has been feeling."

And sure enough...... It did....... and so much more.

She went and God opened her eyes to see the lost through his eyes. He opened her heart to love them with His heart. He used her hands to be His hands in a hurting world. He used her arms to be His arms and embrace and love on those He so dearly loves. 

He pierced into her heart and her world and brought a new light to things He wanted her to see and only He could show her. He transformed her in ways only He could do. And now she'll never be the same.

This has been really tough. I love the Lord with all my heart, soul and everything that is in me. I trust Him and am learning every day to trust Him more and more. But I have to admit, this is different. He is not only asking me to trust in Him with MY life, which up until now I did which, yes, included my kids and all of me. But it's different. He is asking me to LET GO of what all this time I thought of as "mine", and put her in His hands and just let go and trust Him with HER life. 

"She's only 16. Why would you ask me to do this now God? I mean I knew the time would come, but...I shouldn't be feeling like this til she's ready to go off to college or get married or move out....... Not now"        I have asked the Lord this more than once. 

And then came the answer: "I'm preparing you & teaching you, while I prepare her and teach her"

I have felt this for quite some time now. Much longer than I like to admit. And I also don't like to admit that at first I didn't listen. I didn't like it. I refused. 

And God in His very so compassionate, loving, and patient way, nudged me, woke me at night, and tugged at my heart strings until I finally broke. And when I broke, He held me. He explained to me that all these years she's been "mine" because He gave her to me. To help her, to guide her, to teach her, to discipline her, to love her, to hold her, to pick her up, but most of all to be Jesus in her life and teach her that she is a child of God. 

But that she belongs to Him. Just as I do. That He created her for Him. She is His precious child. I was just given the most wonderful privilege of being her mother. And I always will be her mom and her my baby girl. But she belongs to Him. And He loves her more passionately, more fiercely, more intensely, and more wildly than I could ever love. When I heard this, I knew, that His love had to be some wildly amazing and awesome supernatural love, because I never imagined anyone could love my babies more than I could.

So little by little ...sometimes hesitant, sometimes reluctantly... I have been learning to truly trust God. I have come to the place where I stand at His hands and I've placed her in them very gently, very carefully. And He is still allowing me to walk beside them and hold her hand and guide her as He holds my heart.. Until

the one day, I know I will have to let go. I will have to let go and trust and know that my Father is carrying her in His hands and she belongs to Him. Until the one day, where she won't rely on me as guide but rely completely on Him and learn to trust in Him just as I have had to. 

I will always be mom and she will always be "mine". But she belongs to Him. And I have learned to accept that. I know, that although hard, I can do it. Because I know how He loves me. I know how He's carried me. I know how He would move all of heaven and earth to rescue me. I know that I am His and He is Mine. And I know who is carrying her. The same one who carries my heart.

Happy Belated Fathers Day :-)

I know it's the day AFTER Fathers Day, but I wanted to share just a few of my feelings about two of the most important men that have impacted my life, and two great men that I praise God for, not just today, but everyday.

The first: My husband

We've been on quite a journey me and this man of mine. We've learned so much together and know that we are still learning and will continue learning as long as we live and breathe. I thank the Lord for allowing me to go on this journey with this wonderful man & father.
And in this process God has blessed us with three beautiful & wonderful babies.

I can't imagine life without him or our babies in it.   I'm so grateful I get to call him mine and so blessed to have this man as the father of our beautiful children!
Anyone that God has called to put up with me, love me and take care of me deserves a big reward in heaven! & I imagine his is pretty great ;-) .... This father's day he settled, and was very happy with, lots of homemade cards, hugs, and a day of golf  :-)  God, I love this man!

&

The second: My Dad.

 
      

Who although is celebrating the greatest fathers day ever with both my grandpa & Heavenly Dad, he was in my heart more so this Fathers Day :-) It seems like the older I get, the greater the ache becomes to see him again. It was 23 yrs this past April. Time has healed the hurt of loss, but the scar is still very tender and from time to time the pain returns for a moment. I am, however, so blessed to have had the privilege to been given the time I was with such a wonderful man of God. In the 11 yrs I had with him he taught me so much. And to this day I carry every talk, lesson, advice, hug, laughter, and everything he poured into my life with me. I can sincerely say even though he wasn't here the last 23 yrs, a part of him always was, in my heart. His love. And that part remains with me. Still teaching me in the moments I need it, & still whispering those words of encouragement, love and wisdom when I need to hear them.

I am certain this longing in my heart won't go away or grow smaller. But I do carry the hope and joy that one day I will see him again. I will be able to join him in celebrating our Father together. I so look forward to that day.

123....Breathe....

So, yes, I know it's a been a while since my last post. A long while.

My life, as you know it, is already crazy as it is, but these last few months have truly been a roller coaster ride.

(Wow I know how this little girl feels!!)

So many things, it seems, bombarding me or my family one right after another. It's just now starting to feel like it has stopped long enough for me to take a breath. 

I have neglected so many of my friends, and family by being the worst at keeping in touch. But I promise it wasn't on purpose.

When you're a mom of three (16,6 & 9), have a house that you still have to keep up with, work full time, have your mom living with you, & have a full time ministry, & life decided to hail storm on you, the whole "You Time" thing is really hard to come by.

No, I'm not complaining, just explaining :-)

My life, no matter how loco, is still pretty blessed.

I have to give props to my hubby, who without him, I would have already been in the loony bin. He keeps me grounded when gravity wants to suck me under. And he talks me off the ledge when I'm ready to call it quits. 

I sure do thank my God above for giving me such an amazing baby daddy! :-)

And of course, the one and ONLY one that keeps me going day to day in this crazy thing called life, the one that holds me, calms me, covers me, listens to me and loves me furiously 24/7 and NEVER gets tired of me... My Father God. If not for Him and His word, I would be a hot mess!

I don't know what's been bombarding you lately. Or what roller coaster ride life may be taking you on at this moment, but hang on, hold on tight to the Father, because believe it or not He is holding you. Take a few moments every day to close your eyes tight, sit still and sit quiet and just listen. You will hear the sound of His heart beat where He's holding you close reminding you that you are not alone and don't have to be afraid. 

He loves you, passionately, intensely, furiously!

And remember to breathe ;-)