It's just plain insanity

Yes this is me, whining, and I have a very good reason.

I have to lose weight and it's not going well AT ALL!!

I'm frustrated, irritated, and  unmotivated

I understand what I HAVE to do. I just don't get why it's so friggin hard!

I've done it before, so why not now ?!?!?

I have realized some things about myself recently:

1).  I am definitely and emotional eater. If I'm mad or sad *Eat*, happy *Eat*, excited *Eat*, stressed *Really Eat*..... You get the picture.

2). I have no self-control when it comes to food. It's like it knows me.... I pass by and it calls to me saying " Meeliiissa, oh Meeliiiissaaa, You KNOW you want this" and I respond with a resounding

"OH YES! I DO! I DO! I Dooooo!"

3).  I will fight you if you try and snatch my food. (Yes people it's that bad) Just ask my poor hubby who has almost lost a hand and a few fingers attempting such a risky feat.

**BIG Sigh** I know it's mind over matter, I can do it if I put my mind to it, No pain -no gain...... BLAH BLAH BLAH .... 

Right now there's a chocolate glazed doughnut calling my name... it's like the alluring song of the siren drawing me in. 

Ahhhhh! OK, I need MAJOR help!!  MAJOR!

Am I hopless?? Lord, I hope not. 

Well, no I'm NOT going to get the doughnut. I really am trying.

Just needed to whine a little bit.

You're such a good listener ;-)

 

All In One Morning

Yesterday morning, in a nutshell, didn't go according to plan.
Picture this: Hubby's day off, so I decided I'd start out with a nice, yummy, b-fast for the family, followed by a nice cup of morning joe - sitting together, blissfully, on our porch swing as we watch the kids play happily in the backyard, followed by a huge family hug displaying proudly our deep love for each other.

** CUE SCREECHING RECORD COMING TO HALT**

Now picture this: I started off with what was going to be a nice b-fast for the fam. I, however, made little pieces of charcoal briquettes (formerly known as sausage patties), scrambled eggs, that according to my 4 yr old son, were "not like grandmas scambed eggs" & asked for a bowl of lucky charms instead. 
I became extremely irate when the toast I was making had already been in the toaster for, no kidding, 20 minutes! Then I realized I had forgotten to plug it in. So now I'm having to zap everyone's plates in the micro. cause "Mommy forgot to plug in the toaster" and "We all know you can't have a real b-fast without the toast mom". 
So far, NO good. 

Finally got everyone fed, and now for that cup of joe outside, right?? - WRONG. Cause before I know it, I hear a loud noise coming from the backyard. My husband decides it's time for him to start up the leaf blower and blow, not only the leaves, but every other object, off of the back porch. Puzzled as to why I am looking at him with a disgusted look on my face, He says" I thought you wanted to sit on the swing" ... "So I was cleaning off the porch" ... OK does anyone else see the wrong in that or is it just me??? So instead of explaining to him the difference between cleaning the back porch by maybe, I don't know, just SWEEPING it like a normal person. I chose to just see the positive in this, and that his intentions were indeed sweet if you really think about it. I tried not to focus on all of the "stuff" that is now laying in the yard, that I will have to pick up later & return to the porch! OK....so he gets done.....kids are armed with bubbles, bouncy balls, juice pouches, and coffee for mommy and we're off...........

10 MINUTES LATER .......... 

Everyone is running back inside hacking and coughing, coughing and hacking, and more hacking because our dear, considerate, lovely new neighbors decided to burn a GINORMOUS pile of leaves and what smelled like rubber & plastic on the edge of our creek, right by our back yard, so that the wonderful wind could blow a great, continuous, billow of smoke that proceeds to envelop us and it doesn't move on, it just hovers until we are all dying of smoke inhalation. UGH! Darn those neighbors and their smokey pile trying to sabotage my perfect day!
So now we go inside and I, feeling so bad that the kids can't play outside for a while now, bend down and scoop my 4 yr old son in my arms and he looks at me ever so lovingly, then wrinkles his little nose and says " EW! You smell like uncle Mario" and runs off holding his nose. God Bless my bro-n-law! Love him to death. But he's an avid smoker and has a permanent "smoky aroma" to him. So this is what my son meant when he wrinkled his nose and ran away, leaving me... stinky & rejected. 
Ahhhh, what a day.

So by that point I could see that my efforts, however well intentioned they may have been, were in vain. So for the remainder of the morning, after showering the "uncle mario" smell off, I decided to just crawl back into bed & surrender.The kids & Dad jump in to join me. My son happy now that his mommy "smells like perfume" gives me that hug. Followed by my huge family hug that I so, at that moment, desperately needed.



Ahhh, I guess it didn't turn out so bad after all ;-)

Distressing News

I received the most devastating news about my health. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good. I mean, you always try & hope for the best right? But in the back of my mind I kept telling myself "You know this is not going to be good" I mean, you try to prepare yourself for it, but until you hear the words actually come out of your trusted doctors mouth, the severity doesn't really hit. 

And so I sat on the examining table in my doctors cold office. Dressed in that horrible plus size pink paper towel with a ginormous piece of a rubber band looking thingy that they somehow think is supposed to hold this piece of Bounty paper towel in place and make me feel less exposed, when every part of my upper body (& I'll give you two guesses as to which parts I'm talking about) are about to rip through this thing so that now I'm starting to feel like the incredible hulktress. So anyway, I'm sitting there, examining table, cold room, covered in shredded pink Brawny held together w/ a frayed rubber band. Enter doctor with the upsetting news .... He says five life changing words " You need to lose weight" 

*GASP* "What?!" I declared & *GASP* again. 

The room begins to spin frantically. It's like I'm in some kind of twilight zone movie. You know the one where the doc & nurses are all wearing those pig masks. Except in this episode it's ME with the pig mask. I ask if there's some oxygen they can give me or if I need to lay down on my left side or something, cause I've heard that helps when you're passing out. Of course after being a patient of my dear doctor for the last 16 yrs, he calmly tells me to sit up & stop being overly dramatic.

See, I have an ulcer. Apparently the way I've been eating and stress are the culprit of this evil little ulcer that has been causing me so much pain. 

                                                                                       So he orders me some nexium and gives me a stern lecture on my eating habits "No more mexican food" Doc says " No chocolate" Doc says. I think I started feeling dizzy again right around that point. "Reduce your stress level" Doc says (I laughed at him at that point) and of course "Lose Weight" UGH!. He says if I do these three things and not diet but "change my lifestyle" that I should be all better. So in a nut shell I'm supposed to stop eating everything that has taste or flavor & eat cardboard products, look into living on another planet with no kids or a husband or contact with the outside world, & wire my mouth shut. 

Sounds easy enough. 

Pray for me please. I'm gonna need it. 

And so begins my weight-loss, stress free journey.