Another First for my list……
Yesterday was the first day of school.
Any other school year this would have been a normal thing for me (and no not my first, just wait for it)........
Summer vacation & then back to school.
But this year was different. At the start of this school year, my 15 yr old daughter wasn’t just beginning her 1st yr of High school,
and my 9 yr old her first day of 4th grade,
but this school year marked a BIG first for me.
My 6 yr old son, my baby, my last child, was starting his very first day of school EVER!
See with my girls it was different. It IS different. When they started school, yes it was bitter sweet and yes I got emotional, but not like this. I'm not sure why or what it is. I'm still learning. But there is a huge difference between daughters and sons. And to top it off he's the last one...he's my baby.
So this was extremely devastating for me for several reasons.
1) Hello this is my BABY!
2) Was he ready?!
3) Was I ready?!
4) This meant everything was changing!
5) Hello this is my BABY!! (ok I know I said that already)
My son, my tiny baby boy who has been at home with his mommy since birth was now ready to leave and become a tiny man.
All summer I had to mentally and emotionally prepare for it.
And the whole week before that dreaded first day of school my stomach was in knots.
Questions swarming my mind like….”What if he gets some meany of a teacher?”, “What if he doesn’t like it?”, “What if he gets scared?”,
OR OMG “What if he DOES like it and grows up and realizes he doesn’t need me anymore?!?!?!” GASP!!
For all the moms out there I know you are nodding your heads in agreement.
This was a HUGE first for me! It was a bitter-sweet moment and a huge step in both mine and my little mans life.
I knew there was no way around it. My husband forbid me to even think of homeschooling him. Something about him being a boy and this would be good for him…blah blah blah … I tuned out after that.
I knew in my heart that no matter how badly I just wanted to keep him at home with me, only like FOREVER, that wasn’t an option.
He, like his older siblings, was growing up, and there’s nothing I could do to stop it!
So, like a good mommy, I put on my brave face and let my son know that everything was going to be great.
And that first day came quickly.
(My Little Man. I'm so proud of him!)
Yesterday me and his daddy walked our little man to class.
Where, of course, he has one of the best teachers ever.
He was just a little nervous, but excited at the same time. He smiled when we got to his class. We hugged him and told him we’d be back real soon and he was OK. … He was actually more than just OK. He did GREAT.
My little man.
Of course, mommy….well she was a different story.
As soon as we got in the truck, mommy lost her brave face and lost it.
I cried. I cried and wailed about how my little baby was gone….
How everything from that moment would be different, because he wouldn’t need me anymore, and that I didn’t care how big any of my kids got they would always be my babies…. Oh it was a terribly sight!! I was a blubbering fool.
And my husband, like the good hubby he is… he just listened. He listened to my cry baby, snotty, wailing and held my hand. And when I was finally done, he wiped my tears and tried to find something good to say, but it went something like this "You know they have to grow up & now its kindergarten, one day it'll be high school and then they'll be gone" When he saw the tears and snot again he stopped...QUICKLY and instead offered we go for a walk to clear our heads. ... I love him, he tries :-) Hey! He took the whole week off, just cause he knew I would be a hot mess if I had to do this alone! That's love baby! ... Oh Ok, back to my point ....
All day I looked at the clock. Counting down the hours til 3:00 where I would rush to the school and scoop up my baby and console him if he was scared and apologize for leaving him there and promise to never take him back to that awful place ever again!!
But what really happened was, we did rush to pick him up cause I couldn’t wait to see my little man.
He jumped in the truck with the biggest smile on his face and couldn’t catch his breath long enough between sentences to tell me what an awesome day he had at school! And couldn’t wait to GO BACK!! And what’s worse….. OMG it’s hard to even think about this!.... What’s worse…. He said… My baby boy….. “ You know what mommy, I had such a good day, I didn’t even think about you once” !!!! .... *Sigh*
I know, I know... I need to look at that as a good thing... Ugh!
So there you have it. I'm learning to let go and let my babies begin their different seasons on this journey called LIFE.
My 15 yr old daughter who has already begun.....
My 9 yr old (who I sometimes think is secretly 30!) who is beginning...
And then my 6 yr old little man who has only just begun.....
Ready...Set.... LET GO........
