Distressing News

I received the most devastating news about my health. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good. I mean, you always try & hope for the best right? But in the back of my mind I kept telling myself "You know this is not going to be good" I mean, you try to prepare yourself for it, but until you hear the words actually come out of your trusted doctors mouth, the severity doesn't really hit. 

And so I sat on the examining table in my doctors cold office. Dressed in that horrible plus size pink paper towel with a ginormous piece of a rubber band looking thingy that they somehow think is supposed to hold this piece of Bounty paper towel in place and make me feel less exposed, when every part of my upper body (& I'll give you two guesses as to which parts I'm talking about) are about to rip through this thing so that now I'm starting to feel like the incredible hulktress. So anyway, I'm sitting there, examining table, cold room, covered in shredded pink Brawny held together w/ a frayed rubber band. Enter doctor with the upsetting news .... He says five life changing words " You need to lose weight" 

*GASP* "What?!" I declared & *GASP* again. 

The room begins to spin frantically. It's like I'm in some kind of twilight zone movie. You know the one where the doc & nurses are all wearing those pig masks. Except in this episode it's ME with the pig mask. I ask if there's some oxygen they can give me or if I need to lay down on my left side or something, cause I've heard that helps when you're passing out. Of course after being a patient of my dear doctor for the last 16 yrs, he calmly tells me to sit up & stop being overly dramatic.

See, I have an ulcer. Apparently the way I've been eating and stress are the culprit of this evil little ulcer that has been causing me so much pain. 

                                                                                       So he orders me some nexium and gives me a stern lecture on my eating habits "No more mexican food" Doc says " No chocolate" Doc says. I think I started feeling dizzy again right around that point. "Reduce your stress level" Doc says (I laughed at him at that point) and of course "Lose Weight" UGH!. He says if I do these three things and not diet but "change my lifestyle" that I should be all better. So in a nut shell I'm supposed to stop eating everything that has taste or flavor & eat cardboard products, look into living on another planet with no kids or a husband or contact with the outside world, & wire my mouth shut. 

Sounds easy enough. 

Pray for me please. I'm gonna need it. 

And so begins my weight-loss, stress free journey.