I'm back....By (an) Accident :/

So I know I haven't posted anything on my blog in quite some time! I was about to give up, but I find that there's just something therapeutic about this whole blog stuff, so I'll give another shot.

So what brought me back you ask? ... An accident.
This last Sunday my pastor at my church was preaching about Angels. The existence of Angels. What Angels do and how our Heavenly Father surrounds us with Angels every day. 
Well tonight, I believe that more than I think I ever have. 
While at a friends house for a birthday party, my 5 yr old son was swimming with his 8 yr old sister and some other kids. 
My son doesn't know how to swim. But does okay with a floaty. He had a small ring floaty that he was using to swim around the pool in. (Yes I can already hear the groans) I was sitting nearby with some other friends laughing and talking. 
All of a sudden I hear one of the ladies that was there, yell out my name and then my sons name and the next words that came out of her mouth not only made it feel like the blood had drained from my body, but sent me on a roller coaster of emotions within 30 seconds."You're son was drowning"
What had happened was he reached down to try and grab some goggles and he reached down to far and the floaty slipped off over his head and somehow my son let go and pushed it away and he went under. Another child's mom happened to be standing right there next to him and when her child yelled out she was able to act quickly and she pulled him out by his hands where he was flailing around.
 .... I ran over to my son, who was catching his breath and the look on his face absolutely broke my heart into a million pieces. He was horrified. I, being me, tried to hold it together. But inside, OMG, I was dying. As I held him in my arms and assured him it was all okay, I was doing everything I could not to leap out of my skin. 
Within those, about 5 mins, I felt absolute horror, terrifying fear, heartbreak like I have never felt, guilt, guilt and more guilt. Why? I was supposed to be watching him. I was right nearby for goodness sakes!! What kind of a mother wouldn't think to make sure her child is safe? And then finally...What if it had been worse?? What if no one had been close by to see him? What if no one had heard the other child yell out? After all I never heard it. It was to loud and I was distracted.
What if?? What if?? 
Tonight I learned MANY lessons. But one them is, God is ALWAYS with me. And YES Melissa, Angels do exist! I found one tonight, she was in the form of a beautiful young lady named Marisol. God put her in just the right place at exactly the right time and she pulled my baby boy out of the pool. 
The other Angel - my husband. Because although he could have stopped and questioned me, gave me a lecture about pool and water safety, & make me feel even more guilty and horrible then I already did. He didn't. He kept his cool when he saw that all I wanted to do was lose mine. And even after we left and came home and I lost it. I completely lost it and had an emotional meltdown. He held me and told me "It's not your fault" 
He knew he didn't need to tell me all the things I did wrong, because I already knew. He just held me and prayed over me and held me some more. 
Tonight before bed, I held my son. I held him tight. And I thanked my Father God for never leaving me. For giving me new insight on life. And for Angels.